Blood and Water
by Demons of Disbelief
Summary: Drabbles on the lives of cats from the Clans. Slightly AU, see first chapter.
1. AU Information

Crowfeather remained in ThunderClan with Leafpool after the fight with the badgers.

Rainwhisker became Leafpool's apprentice after the battle with the badgers.

Hollyleaf was never Leafpool's apprentice, but immediately apprenticed to Brackenfur.

Lionblaze was Birchfall's apprentice.


	2. Hollyleaf

Brackenfur and Hollypaw get along well together.

Her paws are slighter than his, her body made for racing along short grass, and the heavy ThunderClan undergrowth prevents her from reaching her full speed. Brackenfur says nothing about her similarity to cats across borders. He teaches her how to twist under an enemy and how to put larger cats off balance in fight, how to stalk mice and leap on birds and catch voles as they emerge from their nests.

When they go back to camp, he sends her off with a pigeon and kind words. She goes to him when her brothers cannot make Dustpelt's words seem anything but cruel and when Crowfeather vanishes into the forest to stare at the moor across the borders. When Ashfur's gaze ruffles her fur or Leafpool hasn't had time to speak to them in three days, Brackenfur takes her into the forest and teaches her to climb trees and patrol borders.

She is a ThunderClan cat, because of love, loyalty, courage, and blood. She can't bring herself to meet Sandstorm's eyes when she misses her catch, but Brackenfur is kind and says nothing when she speaks to Ashfoot at gatherings or watches the WindClan apprentices with long legs and slender bodies too closely.

Brackenfur tells her of Bluestar and her RiverClan kits. At her first Gathering, he points out Mistystar with the other leaders and tells her that Bluestar looked like that. The silver-grey she-cat is beautiful and glossy in the way only RiverClan cats are, but her shoulders are broad. Hollypaw wonders if her Clanmates ever thought she should be more slender. When Greystripe hears one of Ashfur's cruel taunts, he tells her about Stormfur and Feathertail with sad eyes. He loved Silverstream, he tells her, but he loves ThunderClan too. When Brackenfur is busy and the Clan distracted, she corners her father on the lowest branch of a tall tree next to the WindClan border and he tells her about the half-Clan silver she-cat he loved and lost.

It is her loneliness that drives her to the tunnels at the WindClan border. She feels alone, a WindClan cat in ThunderClan. Jayfeather curls up in the medicine den and sees visions in the waking day and dreams dreams in the dark of night. Despite the new rules, her brother shows no interest in the she-cats of the Clan. Lionblaze is the a powerful warrior and fights harder than any ThunderClan cat. He has never doubted his place. They belong here.

Hollyleaf is not so certain. She steps into the tunnels with awkward paws and a trembling tail. She does not know what draws her to the tunnels. They smell of damp earth and feel unnaturally clammy under her paws. She considers, perhaps, exiting the WindClan side of the tunnels and leaving her Clan. Perhaps the scent of rabbit will lead to prey. She never leaves ThunderClan territory and it will be nearly a moon by the time she is able to catch her own prey in the dark, narrow tunnels. The cat she will meet here will change her heart and the path of her paws. She never makes it to the WindClan border. She finds what she needs in the darkness of the cold stone caverns.

She is Hollyleaf of ThunderClan. She was born to be a warrior of the forest just as her grandfather once was. Even love cannot move destiny. When she steps from the tunnels with a heavy belly and sorrowful heart, she does not hesitate.


	3. Jayfeather

He never wanted to be a medicine cat.

He would complain of this to StarClan, but the memories that echo in his mind when Leafpool's fur brushes his and Yellowfang's accusing eyes prevent that. Some nights, he curls up in the den and reaches for Rainwhisker's memories and shudders at the cat lying dead with a bloodstained pelt. He knows why Leafpool and Rainwhisker become medicine cats. Even as he walks in their dreams he does not know why he is one of them.

When his father introduces him to Ashfoot he blinks mildly at her and greets her with brief words. His response to Barkface's strange silence and Kestrelpaw's wide blinks at first meeting was much the same. He knows he is not a WindClan cat. Half the time he does not feel like a ThunderClan cat.

When Jayfeather sleeps with his pelt pressed against Rainfeather in leaf bare for warmth, he remembers instead a white she-cat who he sent to the lonely mountains and left there. When Lionblaze asks if he has any interest in a she-cat, Jayfeather doesn't know how to tell him that no cat here smells enough like crisp wind and damp tunnels to make him fall in love again. Instead he listens to his brother talk about Heathertail and Cinderpelt in the same breath and watches Hollyleaf be torn in two by a choice she had no part in.

When Rainwhisker dies, Jayfeather sits his vigil with Sorreltail and Leafpool and wonders if the elder tom ever felt as insecure about Leafpool's son as he felt about her first apprentice. He grooms his fur sleek and leans into him, remembering days when he woke up with Half Moon's name on his tongue to find a different pelt against his.

He knows Hollyleaf is lonely and confused, but he can do nothing to console her. The confusion in her head cannot be fixed by his herbs, and he does not know the words to tell his sister that her body matters less than her heart. He has seen as well if he has eyes Lionblaze struggle to be more than the strongest warrior in ThunderClan. He pushes aside the jealousy rising in his chest that his brother is a warrior _at all_ and says nothing. He works with paws as skilled as Leafpool's and when she curls into Crowfeather's fur he remembers brilliant white fur and closes his eyes to remember it again.

He will wait for her forever, and even when memories of other cats fade he remembers green eyes and white fur vividly. Days come when he stumbles over roots and finds his catmint destroyed, so he curls into the windblown tunnels that smell faintly of Fallen Leaves (and Hollyleaf, but Jayfeather doesn't investigate further) and allows the cold wind coming off the tunnels to remind him of her fur.

Jayfeather is a medicine cat because he is blind. He is WindClan because of his parentage and Thunderclan because of his birth, yet his bones ache for cats who have walked with stars before cats ever returned to the forest.

He cares for his Clanmates by day and at night curls up in his cold nest lined with feathers and remembers green eyes.


	4. Lionblaze

All he ever wanted to be was a warrior.

He left Heatherpaw for that. Some mornings he wakes with his pelt pressed to Cinderheart and misses brown tabby fur for a few brief moments while the dreams fade and the sun edges over the entrance to the den to light the smokey grey tabby beside him.

He grows smoothly into large paws and broad shoulders, his bright pelt and stocky body are as much ThunderClan as any of his Clanmates. When his father introduces him to Ashfoot, he is cautiously polite and watches his words so he tells her nothing that would betray his Clan. He is Lionblaze of ThunderClan, being too friendly with the deputy of another Clan is against the warrior code. This loyalty is not the reason he avoids Heathertail with downcast eyes and slick fur.

As a warrior, he is not blind to his mistakes. He made few friends as an apprentice. While Cinderheart suns with Brackenfur and Hollyleaf, Lionblaze follows his brother out of camp to pick herbs. Jayfeather says he hunts alone too often, but most of the cats their age are annoying and Lionblaze has little bond with his mentor. He was too stubborn and his mentor too shy to cultivate the tenuous relationship they shared. Brambleclaw has noticed as well, and Lionblaze finds himself on dawn border patrols and nighttime hunts with cats he rarely talks too.

Once, his paws are drawn to the WindClan border, where his father hunts too often. Crowfeather only looks at him from his perch in the trees, and Lionblaze pauses to search for scent drifting from the moor. Their eyes meet, both remembering the scent of WindClan. His father says nothing, but he shakes his golden pelt, remembers grey tabby fur, and finds mice to bring back to camp. He has heard enough to know that loving a cat in another Clan is still taboo and will always be difficult. He does not venture that far twice.

When Cinderheart mentions his sister spends longer out of camp each day, Lionblaze is ashamed to realize he hadn't noticed. He spends too long in dark forests to settle a mind which has thought about borders and codes for too long, too long to know which cat will bring his sister back, too long too sacrifice training for family.

Tigerstar scorned his mourning for Heathertail and love for Cinderheart alike and only Hawkfrost's words were sharper than his claws. Lionblaze listens to them and wonders if Firestar ever saw another cat in Brambleclaw's shoulders or his stripes. It is only when he unsheathes his claws and nearly kills his deputy that he realizes his true mistake. He cannot be a warrior of two Clans.

It does not matter if he is the strongest warrior in the forest. It does not matter if he is deputy of ThunderClan or leader of WindClan or oldest elder in all the Clans if all he ever works for is power.

Lionblaze curls around Cinderheart and inhales the familiar scent of the warriors den. He pushes aside the instinctual prickle of unease at the dark tabby shoulders at the center of the den and loves eyes that are too dark to belong to underground caverns and blue heather and the smell of rabbit.


	5. Dovewing

Dovewing spends far too much time listening to ShadowClan.

ThunderClan is sick with greencough and desperate for whatever prey is available, but Dovewing misses more than one kill creeping in front of her paws because of a warrior far across the forest. She can hear the pad of Tigerheart's pawstep, they calm her breath and make her heart ache. She can tell the difference between him hunting and running without hearing his voice. She lies awake every night, aware that when he waits alone by the border, hidden by ferns and watching ThunderClan land, he has no illusion of solitude.

Eventually, she admits to herself that she does not love Bumblestripe. Perhaps, for the sake of her Clan, she could. If she couldn't hear every pawstep Tigerheart took, if she didn't know Tawneypelt's love for her kits or that Oakfur was sick and so Tigerheart hunted for him every morning. She suffers Rosepetal's sharp words and endures Blossomfall's cold eyes because she cannot force herself to change when Tigerheart is a warrior worthy of her affections.

It is only after this that she goes to the border where Tigerheart waits. He is kind and smells of pine forest and cats she knows only by name. They climb as high as the tree will allow and watch the forest below them until dawn creeps into the horizon, when both cats sneak back to their respective camps, exhausted but gleeful. In the moon after that, he teaches her how to sneak through the empty pine forest and catches a frog to show her the unusual taste.

When Dovewing returns to her camp, she feels out of place. Ivypool has forged her own path and Rosepetal and Blossomfall are still distant. Lionblaze loves Cinderheart with a fury which sends him into battle like fire through dry forest. He weaves vines into the nursery for his young queen and his worry has Jayfeather visiting the nursery at all hours. Jayfeather turns away any she-cat who approaches with biting words and cold eyes. Bumblestripe follows her like a lost kit follows the milk scent of a queen and Dovewing cannot look for the disapproval in her Clanmates when she rejects him yet again.

She cannot hide from herself forever. Tigerheart would join ThunderClan if she asked, but perhaps she has put him through enough. So she goes to Bramblestar, who does not understand but wishes her well. He knows what it is to have friendships and kin across Clans. Birchfall tells her to follow her heart and Whitewing presses herself against her daughter with wide eyes, but Dovewing leans into Ivypool for strength that her sister radiates from her fur. As she pads out of camp she can hear the frightened and curious and mournful meows of ThunderClan cats from the border, but she also hears the heartbeat of the tabby waiting in the ferns long before she reaches him and her paws do not pause.

She is one of the cats born to save all of the Clans. She has never doubted her blood and heart belonged to ThunderClan, but she will be a loyal warrior who ShadowClan will be proud of. Moons from now, her kits will be born into the pine forest floor, will be apprenticed to cats who watched their mother struggle to follow her heart, will live and die for a Clan their mother chose for them.

When she reaches him, they press into each other's fur, Dovewing smells of bracken and brambles for the last time, and when she leaves the familiar forest behind for pines and ferns and unknown prey, she does not look back.


	6. Birchfall

Birchfall believes he only betrayed one cat.

He tells Whitewing of his indiscretion privately, he tries to feel sorry for the pain in her eyes but he has long since discovered he is too tired to care about anything. By dawn the next day the entire Clan rumbles with the rumor. Birchfall says nothing about the avoidance of his Clanmates or the concern in Bramblestar's eyes. Dovewing and Ivypool watch him with bristled tails, Cloudtail ignores him with fierce determination, and Daisy speaks too loudly when gossiping to an already angry Brightheart, who sweeps her kits against her with her tail and fixes Birchfall with a gaze that would make him shrink out of camp if he still had the energy to care for the hatred.

Admitting to Whitewing that he never loved her was not harder than losing Applefur. When he found her body half-hidden by bracken on the forest floor he pressed his muzzle into her pine-scented fur and mourned. If she had a choice she would have died fighting for ShadowClan territory, she had loved her Clan too dearly to ever abandon it, so he had helped Marshbird bury her there. When his kin refused to speak with him he lay his head on his paws and remembered his last sight of sleek brown fur, and the knowledge that he was the one to dig her grave helps when he remembers that he does not know where his mother was buried.

He does not love ShadowClan. He feels no loyalty to Blackstar, no love for the too-sharp pine needles under tall trees, he could not pretend to enjoy their prey even when Applefur was alive, but he goes to the border and collects pine cones and cuts his pads on needles for the sake of their scent. He hides them in the tallest tree he can find on the ThunderClan side of the border and when he can no longer stand being in camp he climbs to the highest branch that will hold his weight and tucks them in the hollow between the branch and the trunk. Eventually, Leafpool notices the blood on his paws. She rubs a poultice of coltsfoot and comfrey on his paws to sooth them and orders him to stay in camp until they heal.

He does. He curls himself into the medicine den because staying under the gaze of the warrior's in his own nest is similar to taking a nap on WindClan's side of the stream at sunhigh. He watches as Dovewing sacrifices her Clan for her heart, wondering if ShadowClan would have accepted him if he had dared to follow Applefur into the shadow of the trees he now watches. When his paws heal, he spends as little time in the camp as possible.

He is obviously heartbroken. Leafpool and Millie know the look in his eyes very well. It has been reflected at them before. Ashfur is dead and Dustpelt pretends his son doesn't exist and Spiderleg tries, but his idea of support is lying next to his brother and occasionally glancing at the younger tom. Greystripe eventually takes him aside, but Birchfall is broken and has no energy to do anything save miss Applefur.

Eventually he crosses the border. He cannot only watch the sun-dappled forest floor from across the border. He climbs the tallest tree he can find and balances warily on a branch so thin it bends under his weight. He watches her Clanmates and wonders if Applefur ever climbed this high to see her forest. He returns to ThunderClan and Ivypool finds him with his head on his paws staring across the lake. He has been missing for an entire day and she doesn't know what to do save sit next to him until he is ready to return to camp. Afterward, Ivypool makes it a point to hunt with her father every day she can find him. No matter how often she grooms his pelt, the scent of pine and hazel clings to his coat as if he was ShadowClan born.

It is far too late to trade the loyalty gifted to him by birth for winning the right to sleep in a den from cats he has fought for prey and territory. Applefur is dead, and without her, no Clan is enough. He loved her every day he lived in Ashfur's pawsteps. He lived for Gatherings and moments stolen with her. When his kits were born he snuck out of camp to hide under a bramble thicket with her and tell her of their grey ears and blue eyes. When he found her in the Dark Forest, he slept long nights and was happy when he no longer had to fake injuries to stay in camp. Now he would do anything to have enough energy to dart after a mouse on his forest floor. He eats at camp only because he cannot catch enough to feed himself.

Applefur was beautiful and full of life and not a day passes that Birchfall doesn't wish he had been buried in ShadowClan's dark forest and that her paws still roamed the forest. All he has left is the feel of pine needles in his paws and the scent of the trees which clung to her fur and it will never be enough to bring her spirit back to him.


End file.
